To get why this has been such a big deal to me, my heart, and what I feel God has been tugging at my heart to do for nearly 2 years now, I need to give you a brief timeline of the last few weeks. (This is going to take a few blog posts to accomplish.)
The first Sunday for "A Journey Home" was also the same weekend Mike and I took in our first respite care / temporary care of 2 little girls through a local non-profit ministry called Safe Families. We wanted to work with Safe Families because we wanted to help make a difference in the lives of some kiddos. (And honestly - to see if we were ready to have our own kiddos. To see if fostering to adopt would be an option for us someday.) I haven't talked much about their visit due to their privacy, but also because it's taken a few weeks for me to process what that one weekend with those girls did to my heart.
The girls were 4 & 5 year old sisters whose family had fallen on some rough circumstances and for that weekend, felt they couldn't safely and adequately take care of their children, so Mike and I took them in. We thought "hey - we've babysat our nieces, nephews and friends kiddos for a night" or "I babysat kids all through middle school / high school / college - watching a 4 & 5 year old for the weekend will be easy peasy." Let me just stop right there and laugh at myself. If I could take back those thoughts, I would. I type laugh today, but that weekend, I wasn't laughing; I was crying.
The first night the girls were with us, things went well. (I was still thinking "easy peasy" at that point.) My favorite memory from the entire weekend was the first night. The youngest sister approached Mike and I after playing with Crosley, and out of the blue asked, "When Crosley dies, will he go to Jesus?" I was NOT expecting this little girl to know Jesus, let alone ask if my dog would go see Him someday. So, curious me responded by asking, "Do you know who Jesus is?" Her response brought tears to my eyes. She said "Yep" and then started singing "Jesus Loves Me."
Saturday morning was what I imagined a normal Saturday morning with two little girls in the house would be - food, cartoons, playing with the dogs, laughter, etc... Late that morning we took them to a parade, and come to find out, it was their first time going to a parade! The girls (with assistance from Mr. Mike) had a blast collecting all the candy in their goodie bags that was being thrown out from all of the floats. They kept asking us, "Is this all really for me?!?!" It was so much fun watching the excitement on their faces.
The afternoon was the first glimpse into the "real girls." I say "real girls" because in hindsight, I've realized that the first 18 hours they were with us, they were on their best behavior and not being their normal selves. Once they got comfortable with us, their best behavior went by the wayside.
Saturday night when we went downtown with our friends and their kiddos, even more of their normal behavior surfaced. I didn't know if I wanted to cry or scream. Honestly - I just prayed. That was also when I started to realize what a huge difference their family life was from how Mike and I live, from how our friends we were with are currently raising their kids. I also realized that after we corrected their behavior, there was no "I'm sorry" but always "I love you?" That question mark is intentional. They wouldn't state it but ask it. That worried me. I was NOT saying "easy peasy" anymore. Instead, I was getting kicked, hit, spit and yelled at. The youngest even yelled at me "I don't love you anymore!" when I made her go to bed. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to her. My gut reaction was to say "Good! You shouldn't love me anyways. You just met me!"
Sunday morning we took the girls with us to church - the first Sunday for "A Journey Home." They'd been promoting the 6 weeks for such a long time, I didn't want to miss it. We took the girls to their respective Sunday classrooms, and then Mike and I went to the service. The message that Sunday was titled "The Promise of Home." And how Pastor Steve started the message that morning totally caught my attention:
"As Christians, we're children of God, and yet many of us live as if we don't even know Him. We live, we think, we act like fatherless orphans because we never truly have embraced our heavenly Father's love on a personal level. Unfortunately, the storms and disappointments of life, well they've made us afraid to trust; afraid to let go; afraid to risk becoming vulnerable by believing God when He simply says, "I Love you." I know that sounds overstated. I know that it sounds maybe even confusing because some of you may say, "Well I know God loves me" but those are words that we speak so casually these days... "I love my dog, I love hamburgers..." We say those words so easily, but when it really comes down right to it, when we talk about a relationship of love, when we talk about a parents love for a child, that's the type of love, even beyond that, that God has for us. And I think that for some of us, that's really difficult for us to comprehend because we don't love ourselves."
When Pastor Steve said "orphans" my ears perked. The girls were far from orphans - they have a mom and a dad, but for the weekend, they kinda were. Really, anytime I hear "orphan" mentioned these days, my ears perk. When Pastor Steve said that we say "I love you" so easily, I thought of the girls again. It made me wonder if they really knew what love meant, or if for them, it was just a word to try to get out of trouble.
As we drove home from church Sunday, we asked the girls what they learned at church. The oldest was proud to tell us "We danced and talked about Jesus!" YES! The rest of the afternoon we made blanket forts, played games, laughed, colored pictures, read books - you know - normal little girl stuff. (There may have also been a standoff in the kitchen over manners...) Sunday night was more realization of what a difference a stable, healthy family can make for a child. It also left me questioning if hosting kids was what Mike and I were supposed to do. I had envisioned hugs, laughter, love - not getting kicked, hit, spit and yelled at. But then I remembered the sermon. These sisters, for all I knew, didn't have a great home life. They really didn't know the true meaning of love. That broke my heart and also is what made me change my mind. If, even for just the weekend, Mike and I were able to bring them into our non-violent home, give them warm food, warm beds, CLEAN clothes, toothbrushes, hugs, laughter, but most importantly, an opportunity to learn about Jesus and His unconditional love, then we did our job.
That was nearly 5 weeks ago. I have no idea what happened to those girls after I dropped them off to their mom that Monday morning. I think about the girls all the time. I decided not to let that one weekend stop Mike and I from opening our home to other children in need. After all, we all yearn to have a place to call home. There are THOUSANDS of kids out there who wish for the promise of home. Mike and I are just waiting for a child to journey into our home forever.
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